Have you seen my tact? I think I lost it...

It was here earlier. Maybe I shut it in my violin case accidentally. It might be asleep at the foot of my bed. I'd better go find it, I might need it some day....
apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

(via the-intern-who-lived)

punkmothra:

my favourite part of shakespeare plays is the person at the end that is like “see how these people fucked everything up. don’t do this. look at this fuckery. look at it. fuck this. fuck everything.”

(via i-am-an-assbutt-of-the-lord)

I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just talk to them, you know?

  • Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
  • Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
  • Me: We cool?
  • Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
  • Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
  • Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
  • Me: So...can I get out now?
  • Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
  • Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
  • Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.